Brave
by SherlockReid
Summary: The boys have ended up in prison and Rimmer's being unusually brave.


"Well ya see," Lister started, "We di'n't intend t' crash ya party. We were just visitin'." The four boys had found themselves in prison due to Lister, as usual.  
"I don't care," The creature snarled. It looked human but spoke in a constant low growl. "But nut now you're not to crash our party anymore. You are going to be a part of the party. You are going to be the main piece of our banquet..  
"What?!" Rimmer cried.  
"We're going to eat you as a part of our feast," it replied, "I will be back at 6pm to collect you."  
It was 11am, they had seven hours to escape. Cat and Lister started to work out some kind of plan. Kryten was worrying about how dirty the cell was. ~No one noticed Rimmer. Or rather, the lack of Rimmer.  
Whilst the others had been occupied he'd switched to soft-light and snuck out. He'd managed to knock out three guards bu sneaking up on them and hitting them. Perhaps I should mention he's gone back to hard-light again. He stripped each man of his uniform and tied them up. He was surprised he could act so brave in such a situation.  
He knew his luck would run out at some point and as he snuck up to the fourth officer it did. The officer turned around.  
"Hey," he called.  
Rimmer swung the book up hitting the guard on the chin.  
"Oi, Chem, what are you doing?" he asked.  
Rimmer had forgotten that he'd changed into one of the uniforms. He'd left the other two and his clothes around the corner.  
"Oh sorry, I... erm... I saw a spider on your chin and hit it," Rimmer gabbled.  
"Right thanks. You know how much I despise spiders," The guard admitted. Rimmer and the guard then chatted for a while before he realised the opportunity he'd been given.  
"Oh mate there's a spider on your head. Let me get it for you. Don't move," Rimmer said. He slammed the book down on the guards head. He then took the guards uniform and tied him up. He'd now got four uniforms and a set of keys he'd taken from the first guard.

* * *

Cat and Lister still hadn't come up with plan. well not one that worked. It was 3pm now and a guard had arrived with clothes. He pushed them through the bars on the door and said, "Put 'em on." Rimmer had disguised his voice and was unrecognised.

Lister took them, "There's only three sets."

"You only need three. One for the mechanoid, one for the cat and one for the human," Rimmer informed them.  
"What about Rimmer? We need a set for the hologram," Lister replied.  
The Cat added, "There's no way I can wear this. That colour top should never go with those trousers. And a cap, with my hair!"  
"You will wear it by order of the high council," Rimmer added, "And what hologram?" He was enjoying messing about with them.  
"The one in here," Lister answered. Then he looked around. Rimmer wasn't there."Smeg! Kryten d'ya know where Rimmer went? Or how 'e went? Or even when 'e went?"  
"I'd guess he went out via the door, sir. And I last saw him around 12pm," Kryten replied.  
"How'd 'e get out?" Lister wondered aloud.  
"You're pondering the escape of your hologrammatic friend, correct? A being made entirely of light," Rimmer prompted.  
"Oh," it had suddenly dawned on Lister, "'E changed t' soft-light 'n' walked out. But don't you care?" he asked the guard.  
"No of course I don't," Rimmer replied.  
"Why not? 'E's one of ya prisoners," Lister enquired.  
"He's not one of my prisoners," Rimmer answered, then he changed his voice back to his own. "I have no prisoners. I do however have three friends each with a guards uniform where it shouldn't be."  
"I'm sorry Mr Rimmer, sir. I don't understand what you're implying," Kryten said.  
"I am saying, you upgraded vacuum cleaner, that you need to put those uniforms on," Rimmer hissed.  
"How's that gonna help Rimmer?" We can't all walk through the bars," Lister remarked.  
"You all don't need to," Rimmer answered.  
The others were almost changed when Cat realised what was taking place. "Hey how come we're listening to Alphabet-Head?"  
"Because I'm the one with the keys," Rimmer smirked holding them out.  
"Oh shiney things," Cat grinned.  
"Anyway Rimmer how'd ya get these uniforms?" Lister asked.  
"Does it matter now? We need to escape," Rimmer responded, not really wanting to tell him.  
"S'pose not," Lister answered.  
Rimmer then let them out and they rushed to the Starbug.

* * *

Once they'd gotten back to Red Dwarf Cat had gone to get a shower and get changed which would ake the next two days. Keyten was making some lunch. This left Lister and Rimmer who were in the drive room, after getting changed.  
"So," Lister sighed, "How did ya get them uniforms?"  
Rimmer was reluctant to explain but after twently minutes of constant annoyance he finally relented.  
"I took them from the guards," Rimmer told him.  
"What an' they jus' gave 'em ya?"  
"No. They didn't give me them."  
"Oh. Then how'd ya take 'em."  
"I hit them with a book, then took their uniforms."  
"Woah. An' it worked out, jus' like that? Nothin' went wrong."  
"The last one turned around but I took care of that."  
"i neve' thought I'd see the day you were brave."  
"I supose it was a bit brave, wasn't it?"  
"Quite a bit brave. But did ya 'ave t' mess about wi' us."  
"Yes. You mess aroundwith me so much Ifelt it was time to get my own back."  
Then they began to have a laugh about all the time's they'd pranked each other.  
All was well aboard the Red Dwarf mining vessel.


End file.
